Shifting from Outward to Inward

Our memories can become clouded over time, leaving us with only our personal perceptions of what we recall. I don’t think there’s a specific moment or day when I first felt the urge to look inward. Instead, I believe that every experience has brought me to this point, where I’m writing this reflection. I will do my best to recall some key thoughts that have significantly impacted me along the way.

Growing up in a Hindu family, I was raised to pray to God through various deities. My family was neither overly orthodox nor strictly religious; our practices were more cultural than anything else. I followed these traditions without understanding their significance or the meaning of God. For many years, from childhood until my late twenties, I hesitated to question these beliefs. I often felt confused and couldn’t grasp the purpose behind it all. Everyone around me seemed content simply bowing down to God, praying, and going about their daily lives.

As I grew up and began getting more exposure to the world, I observed that irrespective of the religion followed, the things said or done were very egocentric depending on how inclusive one was. Of course, there were exceptions. I was especially disappointed when people who claimed to be religious and who prayed every day did this. It’s not like I felt they were bad people. I couldn’t understand the purpose of praying to God when these people were unable to live up to the higher ideals. I also did not notice that religious people were noticeably happier or more peaceful than those who were non-religious. Everyone seemed similar, each with their desires, judgments, expectations, joys, and sorrows. This led me to question the purpose of religion. For a long time, I fluctuated between identifying as an atheist and an agnostic, until I reached my late thirties.

With this observation, I initially tried to understand the world through a black-and-white lens, believing there were good people and bad people, right things and wrong things. It took me a considerable amount of time to realize that the world is much more complicated than that. What is right to one person can be wrong to another. What one person considers good, another sees as bad. A situation that brings happiness to one individual can be a source of sadness for someone else. This raised important questions: What is true? Who decides what the truth is? Am I living up to my expectations, or to the expectations that others have of me? What defines ideal behavior, and who determines that? I found myself filled with confusion and felt it was essential to seek answers to these questions. I needed clarity to lead a purposeful life and to be productive moving ahead.

I recognized that the answers I sought could only be uncovered by looking inward. It became evident that searching for solutions in the outside world often resulted in more questions than answers. This marked the beginning of my journey as a seeker. I set a clear intention within myself to discover these truths, and from that moment on, remarkable people entered my life at precisely the right moments to guide me. I am grateful for each one of them.

For years, I sought these answers, and ironically, I began to uncover them through my exploration of religion and spirituality. I’ve come to see religion not just as a set of beliefs but as a profound science of life that weaves together philosophy and rituals in a meaningful way. It serves as a guiding light, revealing truths about ourselves and helping us enhance our personalities along the journey. Ultimately, this leads to a happy, peaceful, and purposeful life.